Do you know anybody who speaks negatively about their boss, complains constantly about their lot in life, or curses and swears at their ex? Do you ever speak to someone who is beating themselves up for lost opportunities and mistakes they made, sometimes decades ago! If you’re like most people, you probably do! Do you maybe know them intimately?
Are you mentally and emotionally exhausted because of the hate and anger coursing through your veins? Don’t be embarrassed or shy to admit it. Doing so may actually save your life!
Seriously, with that kind of emotion going on in your body, what kind of effect is it having on your life and on your health?
It seems that every spiritual philosophy deals with forgiveness as an important part of their teaching and a vital part of our lives. Why? We live in a society that is quick to blame and lash out. We are hard on others as we are hard on ourselves.
I have personally found that as I have learned to love myself more through my spiritual practices, I am easier on myself. The bonus is that I am easier on other people also. However, it hasn’t meant that there hasn’t been plenty to forgive – both of myself and others.
Neale Donald Walsh says in Communion with God, “Forgiveness is just another word for peace in the language of the soul.” In other words, true peace cannot really come into our lives until…we forgive. This forgiveness needs to start with ourselves. Admitting to ourselves that we are angry or hurt or even scared by our course of conduct is a first step. If we are ignoring the pain, it doesn’t go away; it simply buries itself deeper into our cellular memory and shows up in diseases such as cancer or diabetes.
So forgiveness is about being good to ourselves first. The repercussions that
forgiveness has on our relationships with others are quite frankly a huge bonus. The main recipient of the blessings of forgiveness is us!
“The best deed of a great man is to forgive and forget.” says the Qur’an.
Why does every spiritual book talk about the benefits of forgiveness? Here are some facts for you:
A 2001 study revealed a correlation between reviewing hurtful memories and measures of the stress response (EMG, heart rate, blood pressure). When subjects were encouraged to think forgiving thoughts, the stress response was diminished. Similar findings were seen in an October 2003 study of 108 college students.
While more research is needed to formally evaluate the health benefits of
forgiveness, a number of small studies have shown a number of potential health benefits conferred by forgiveness:
• Decreased anger and negative thoughts
• Decreased anxiety
• Decreased depression and grief
• Decreased vulnerability to substance use
Not only is being able to forgive divine, it can be a blessing to your mental and physical health, says an article in the January 2006 issue of Harvard Women’s Health Watch.
The article outlines five ways you may benefit by granting forgiveness to someone who may have wronged you:
• Forgiveness reduces stress. Nursing a grudge can place the same strains –
tense muscles, elevated blood pressure, increased sweating — on your body
as a major stressful event.
• Your heart will benefit if you’re able to forgive. A study found a link between forgiving and improvements in heart rate and blood pressure.
• Stronger relationships. A recent study found that women who were able to
forgive their spouses and feel kindhearted toward them resolved conflicts
more effectively.
• Less pain. People with chronic back pain had less pain and anxiety when
they practiced meditation focusing on converting anger to compassion,
according to a small study.
• More happiness. By forgiving another person, you make yourself — not the
person who may have hurt you — responsible for your happiness. People who talk about forgiveness during psychotherapy experience greater
improvements than people who don’t discuss forgiveness said one survey.
One of my friends recently spent some time forgiving a Dad that died unexpectedly, a sister she didn’t like, along with a host of other issues that came up for her. She really worked at forgiving herself for not being everything she thought she should be every single day. What happened? People, including myself, commented on the change in her voice, the difference in her appearance and her calm, more relaxed nature. Everything started to change for her and she started doing things differently. It was quite remarkable as this was a woman who had spent thousands of dollars in therapy. How long did this forgiveness exercise take? Less than 45
minutes.
The Tao says, “Harboring a resentment is sure to leave some resentment behind. How can this be good? It cannot. Therefore, the wise accept all responsibility.”
It is not always easy to accept all responsibility. However, it is much easier to accept and forgive then not accept and live a life that is angry, bitter, and resentful. I know – I’ve lived both ways.
Forgiving doesn’t mean you forget. It only means that your blood doesn’t boil, you don’t feel like the next mass murderer thinking about someone who has done you wrong, and you don’t spend your precious energy plotting revenge.
One of the best things that I did a few years ago is decide to live by the motto that, “Everyone is doing the best they can under the circumstances.” Believing that has taken a lot of pressure off of my expectations and brought far more joy and peace into my life.
Will you still get disappointed by people? Yup. Will you still find yourself getting impatient with yourself and your progress in certain areas? For sure. But I know personally that on the Richter scale of emotions, they have gone from right off the scale, to about a 1 or 2. So I notice the blip on the radar screen and move on with my life, knowing that I am living my life guided, directed and blessed by a Universal Power that loves me and sees my perfection. That feels pretty darn good you know.
So try forgiveness in all areas of your life, including yourself! Your health, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially will reap huge rewards.
Blessings,
P.S. Through the Women for Women International newsletter this week, I learned of an unprecedented number of women being raped in the Dominion Republic of the Congo. This stellar organization is seeking financial aid to help these women. Please go to www.womenforwomen.org and see if helping out a critical situation is within your means.
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