Have you ever met the professional victim? Some people really like playing the victim, having a “story” to tell, living the soap opera drama. It gets them attention, is their trademark, and makes up their identity.
How about you? Do you like the drama? Are you happy playing the victim? I remember my mom heading out to a social event one evening several years ago. It was a few years after her divorce, which had followed 47 years of marriage. Mom was having a hard time adjusting to life on her own, yet she also loved her new-found freedom. The problem was this: as far back as I could remember, Mom was usually sick. That night, as I knew she was headed out to a social event, I suggested that she take some more of the algae capsules that had been making her feel better. She looked at me and said, “But then who would know that I’m sick?”
Ouch! That one hit me like a slap across the face. Did she really mean it? Unfortunately, my mother, so accustomed to her story, her drama, her victimhood of being sick, was quite uncomfortable and even fearful of letting go. It was her security blanket, her way out of difficult situations, her answer when she didn’t want to do something.
I empathized with her because I had been on a similar path. In my 30s, suffering with various ailments from life in Ecuador, struggling with depression and at times suicidal, I had a great excuse anytime I didn’t want to step up or step out. But I recognized at the time that the syndrome I had seen for years in my mother was showing up in myself. I knew I really had to stop that merry-go-round, get off and walk away from being the victim.
Once in awhile I slipped back. Particularly when going through times of
financial hardship, it was easy to get out the violin and start playing the same tune. One day though, a very dear friend looked at me and said, “When are you going to give up the story, Jan?”
I stopped, stunned and speechless. She was right–so right it stung. I was playing the victim again, with all of the expertise of a professional.
So are you a professional victim? Do you like that merry-go-round of drama, chaos, and old stories of oppression, persecution and catastrophe? If so, you will find it most challenging to live a life full of joy, peace, love and prosperity because the two do not go hand-inhand. Ever. Retelling old accounts of people who did you wrong, rehashing old sicknesses and accidents and recounting stories of financial woes will keep telling the subconscious mind, “This is important. Keep these files prominent and handy for future reference.”
Why are some people such great victims? It’s like they relish the pain and suffering. There are very likely some old files that look like this: “You need to suffer to be good. Good people suffer, wicked people prosper. If I’m not sick, I don’t get any attention. Nobody loves me, hugs me, or kisses me when I’m healthy, so I need to be sick.” Do you see how old beliefs will fuel the fire of victimhood? So if you would win the Academy Award for Victim of the Year, ask yourself why you enjoy being the victim. What is it about the drama, the victimhood, the pain and the struggling that you believe you need to hang on to? If you think that you need to be crucified to be seen as good, godly or
righteous, then you will sabotage yourself every time. Why wouldn’t you? If your subconscious mind links suffering and pain to being “good enough,” “saved,” “righteous,” and “spiritual,” then you will do a mighty fine job. Look carefully at what is the motive behind your playing victim and decide whether or not you are ready to let it go.
Blessings,
This information is copyrighted. Please feel free to pass along, use as part of your spiritual newsletters but please keep all information including contact information intact. Thank you for your respect and integrity in this matter.
Jan Janzen is a non-denominational minister, author and entrepreneur. Her book Devil with a Briefcase: 101 Success Secrets for the Spiritual Entrepreneur along with her CD series for the Spiritual Entrepreneur and other resources for the entrepreneur with ethics are available at
www.spiritualentrepreneurinfo.com. For more information on Jan’s ministry and her support of microfinance projects around the world, please visit www.janjanzenministries.com
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